


Whatever it takes

by StarryNightLight50



Category: Arrested Development
Genre: Drama & Romance, M/M, One Shot, Songfic, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-15
Updated: 2018-08-15
Packaged: 2019-06-27 23:37:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15695691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarryNightLight50/pseuds/StarryNightLight50
Summary: Tony tries to win Gob backset after episode 8 of season 5.





	Whatever it takes

**Author's Note:**

> Songfic, inspired by the song 'Whatever it takes' by the band Lifehouse.

 

_A strangled smile fell from your face_

_What kills me that I hurt you this way_

 

The second of July Fourth of July parade was well over a month ago, but looking into Gob’s sad eyes, Tony felt as though he was right back in that closet, moments before the cement hit. Knowing Gob really cared, and that he really cared, and that Tony had made a huge mistake by continuing his path of revenge for…whatever it was he was doing. It had all become one giant fucked-up ploy to scheme each other, which had failed in more ways than it succeeded, ending with two half broken and half infatuated hearts.

 

_The worst part is that I didn't even know_

 

They talked about it, about everything. Even Cinco. He doesn’t remember why he so desperately wanted to forget it at the time, but he still hated that he took that forget-me-know. If he hadn’t, he probably wouldn’t have gone through with the whole cement-stunt. He would have known that he had left Gob and wouldn’t have felt bitter about Gob not responding to, what he thought was, his first call to confirm the sex date. But he can’t take that back. He can’t turn back time. And even if he could, running away with Sally without much protest seemed like running away from not quite repressed enough feelings in hindsight. A pill was just a pill after all, and although he had tried, he couldn’t shape his feelings and thoughts to match the image he had always had of himself: a cool, confident magician that didn’t need anybody, because no one was as great as him. No one except…

 

_Now there's a million reasons for you to go_

_But if you can find a reason to stay_

_I'll do whatever it takes_

_To turn this around_

 

Gob was sitting on the sofa, next to him, fiddling with his hands and avoiding eye contact. They hashed out all the revenge and sabotage and plans to use each other. And although it gave some weird sense of relief that they even were same in their bad habits, it left a daunting void as to how to go from here. How to function without lies and deceit. They both seemed to want this, something they never thought existed and hadn’t learned the skills to deal with. Being same was a curse in that sense, neither of them having any clue how to fix something instead of breaking it. Neither knowing what to do when ‘getting what you want’ and ‘doing anything’ meant _not_ hurting people or lying, but actually working together. They were magicians for a reason: the spotlight, deceiving-uh, _misdirecting_ people, the not having to talk about anything beneath the surface under the pretense of magician’s secrets. It had gotten them here, but it couldn’t get them further ahead.

 

And Gob maybe wasn’t the smartest pea in the pot, but he could calculate the sum of the lies and schemes. Gob had tried to ruin Tony, but hadn’t even come close. Tony on the other hand had been able to one up him and actually ruin their/his life by breaking his heart the moment Gob opened the door to a closet filled with cement.

 

Disappearing for a month afterwards hadn’t helped either. But Tony had felt overwhelmed. Not expecting the confessions Gob had shared in the closet, not expecting the _feelings_ to flutter in his chest. Not knowing how to stop his perfectly laid out plan and not being able to face Gob after ruining him. But here he was. After a lot of thinking and an overwhelming feeling of what he had something-searched was described as ‘guilt’, he finally found his ball and faced Gob.

 

Because the truth is, he couldn’t outrun his heart. And he didn’t want to anymore. Gob and him were also same in the fact that they had always chased any high that would make them feel better in the moment or would benefit them in the long run. And being with Gob had made him happier than he ever was, and being without him was making Tony feel more miserable than ever.

 

The question was, could Gob ever forgive him. For running away, faking his own death, ghosting him, humiliating him in front of a whole crowd. The picture in _Poof_ where Gob was looking forlorn at a cement filled closet, tears in his eyes, with a mocking heading above it, was engraved in his memory and not in a good way.

 

_I know what's at stake_

_I know that I've let you down_

And it was true what they said: you don’t know what you have ‘till it’s gone. So he knew what he lost and couldn’t bear the thought of having to live without it. Without Gob. Without the same-ness, the laughs, the long talks. And from what he understood, some great sex. And that’s why Tony knew that this was love: he couldn’t even remember the sex-part, which had always been his main reason for pursuing any kind of relationship, but that part seemed tiny now compared to just _being_ with Gob. It was new and scary and terrifying and he wanted to hold on to Gob and never let go.

 

But hurting people was a second nature. For both of them, even though Tony was more skilled in it. And breaking someone’s trust apparently didn’t bode well for your chances of being with someone in the long run. And he wanted Gob for the long run, no more running away from feelings alone, but running together, straight into the fray of feelings, diving in together.

 

Or however those sappy magazines described it. It resonated exactly with what he wanted, but gave him no clues on how to get it. But honesty was key, apparently.

 

_And if you give me a chance_

_Believe that I can change_

 

And honestly? For the first time in his life, Tony wanted to change. He hated having hurt Gob and he wanted to fix it. And even more so, he wanted to make Gob happy. To make him smile that wonderful crooked smile of his. To see him laugh, twinkle in his eyes, hugging him and holding onto him like a drowning man. To let him know that he didn’t _have_ to cling so hard: to know that Tony wouldn’t reject him or run away or be disgusted by him. Wouldn’t turn him down or mock him like so many people had. The greatest act of all: to make all Gob’s pain disappear and make him reappear as a happy man who saw just how wonderful he really was.

 

God, how had he not realized he was gay sooner?

_I'll keep us together_

_Whatever it takes_

 

He told Gob, that he wanted to fix it and would ‘do anything’. But that sounded like such an empty phrase. To make it seem like you were noble, but without actually doing any effort and just letting the other person tell you how to fix it. Preferably in an easy way. But Tony didn’t mean it like that and he had told Gob as much. He really wanted to make an effort. And even though he might not know from experience how to do that or even knowing how to learn it in the first place, he’d be damned if he didn’t try.

 

_She said: ‘’If we're gonna make this work_

_You gotta let me inside even though it hurts_

_Don't hide the broken parts that I need to see’’_

 

All those months in and out of contact with Gob had thought him one thing though: talking with Gob was like breathing. Even after hurting each other or with awkward new feelings between them, talking seemed to come naturally to them. Hours could fly by without any awkward silences. It didn’t even seem to matter how often they saw each other: even after not talking for a month, seeing Gob now was like they never were apart.

 

And talking led to sharing, and he had shared more personal things with Gob than with anyone ever. So maybe it was time to share more than past experiences, memories, thoughts and beliefs. Maybe they should start sharing feelings. Maybe they could figure them out together. Maybe sharing things you weren’t proud of, admitting things you didn’t know, would be the key to open the door to the house build by sharing all the other stuff in the first place.

 

But he couldn’t do it alone. Gob had to be on the same page as him about this. If he could even forgive him in the first place.

 

_She said: ‘’Like it or not it's the way it's gotta be_

_You've gotta love yourself if you can ever love me.’’_

 

So Tony took a deep breath and took a leap, hoping Gob would jump after him. But even if he didn’t, at least he knew he could jump. Standing scared on the edge was greater torture than falling.

 

‘’I…I know I hurt you. And I am really sorry. The truth is, I have all these…feelings for you. And they make me feel like…magical, like real magic, like I could fly or something. But I’m also…also…afraid. That I might fall.’’ There was a weight lifted off his shoulders he didn’t know he had carried. Looking at Gob and not seeing any trace of mockery or disgust or whatever, but in fact a little glimpse of the sparkle in his eyes (even though he still seemed very guarded), gave Tony the confidence to speak more freely. ‘’You know when I said I got started in magic to escape something? I think it were these kinds of feelings. Feeling scared. And to prove something to all those people that always looked at me like I was crazy when I tried to join in a conversation when I was young- _eh_ -er, it made me so mad. Maybe that’s why I wanted to fool them, get the upper hand, you know? But I don’t want to fool you. We are so same. But you make me feel good about being that way, like, not weird or some outcast.’’ Gob’s eyes seemed to bulge out of his head, the word ‘same’ an unspoken confession that made Tony more at ease. He still felt disgustingly vulnerable, but he couldn’t seem to stop the flow of words coming out of him. ‘’You know that feeling when you successfully pull off an illusion and everyone looks at you like you are magical and they all applaud? With you, I somehow feel like I’m the magician and the how-they-do-that at the same time. Or maybe like if we would be creating an illusion together, or, I don’t know, I’ve never done that. Anyway, the point is, if we could maybe be less same in trying to con each other and just…risk it, you know? Risk this, because I don’t know for sure about you, but these months without you sucked really hard and not in a good way.’’ Tony caught his breath, trying to calm himself to not slip into a rant of some sort. He was falling right now, but he was still high enough to feel like he’s flying.

 

_I'll do whatever it takes_

_To turn this around_

_I know what's at stake_

_I know that I've let you down_

_And if you give me a chance_

_And give me a break_

_I'll keep us together_

 

Gob still just looked at him. And as the ground came rushing towards him, Tony couldn’t handle the suspense anymore. ‘’Please say something… If you don’t feel the same way, that’s fine, just tell me and I’ll leave you alone. I mean it.’’ Tony all but whispered. Because it wouldn’t be fine. It would be falling head first on the concrete, crashing, opening yourself up just to leave a gaping wound.

 

_I know you deserve much better_

 

And maybe he still was selfish. Wanting forgiveness. Wanting Gob to choose him, even though he didn’t know if he could give Gob everything he knew Gob deserved. But dammit, if he had one more pass for being selfish, this is where he would trade it in.

 

_Remember the time I told you the way that I felt_

 

After what seemed like forever, Gob finally spoke. ‘’I….have _feelings_  for you.’’ Tony smiled. ‘’I have feelings for you, too,’’ he said. Gob returned the smile and shifted a bit in his seat. ‘’We have a saying in my family, about ‘family first’. It always meant that you stick together and to me that’s what love meant, you know, helping fix each other’s mistakes. I think that’s maybe why everybody loves Michael so much, because he fixes more mistakes than he makes. But I’m not good at that, I’m only good at screwing up. So what does something like ‘love’ mean if no one has anything to gain from you, you know. It always seemed just a weird word to me, love, something reserved for perfect people like Michael or something to tell people to manipulate them.’’ Gob’s eyebrows were in a deep frown and his eyes looked into the distance. He looked so sad, and Tony’s heart told him to hold Gob and tell him it would be okay, but his mind opted for letting Gob finish his thoughts first.

 

_And that I'd be lost without you and never find myself_

 

‘’But then I got these feelings for you and I didn’t know how to handle them. So I get where you’re coming from, and I mean, it’s not like I didn’t try to trick you or something, so really, same.’’ He let out a deep breath, leading Tony to believe that Gob had also carried some weight on his shoulders that was now lifted. ‘’But then I just couldn’t stop thinking about you and us and, well, you know what happened…But the whole parade thing-it just proved the point I think I was trying to deny: it really blew, also not in a good way, to see you were gone. And I thought that maybe, if you rejected me, I’d be fine with it, that I could move on, but I just felt more….lost.’’

 

_Let's hold onto each other above everything else_

_Start over, start over_

 

‘’And I really want to risk it too, ‘cause when you’re here everything just seems better. God, homo much, am I right? But I just really l…ike talking with you and I really have never had that before. So maybe we could help each other figure this out, like, share these feelings or something. Even the scary ones.’’

 

Tears of happiness were forming in Tony’s eyes. ‘’That’s what I was thinking! Same!’’ The bright smiles on both men’s faces were lighting the room.

 

‘’Start over?’’ Tony suggested.

‘’Start over.’’ Gob concluded.

 

And finally, Tony felt Gob flying next to him, and from here the view was amazing. They both leaned in to share the feelings that drove them, this time without any words.

 

_I'll do whatever it takes_

_To turn this around_

_I know what's at stake_

_I know that I've let you down_

_And if you give me a chance_

_Believe that I can change_

_I'll keep us together_

_Whatever it takes_


End file.
